it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
