okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
