ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
