just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
