You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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