Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
