I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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