Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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