Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
