Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize