Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize