I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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