What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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