I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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