my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i've created a new STD.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
