Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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