She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
