Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
