Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
