we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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