i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
