She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
