I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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