you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
