dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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