we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
