I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
