We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
