Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
