Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
