I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
