Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize