I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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