overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
