Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
