Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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