please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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