Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
