That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize