The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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