There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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