sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
