dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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