you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
