Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
