I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
