We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
