dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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