Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
