Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
