I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
