I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
