a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
