ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
