he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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