he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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