I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
