So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
