dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
