arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
