Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
