We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
