that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
