your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Randomize
