Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
