so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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