The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
