Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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