I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
