you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
