I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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