I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
