This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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