Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
