hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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