Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
