I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
