hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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