sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
