so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
