Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
