READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
