He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
