Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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