i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
