I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
