i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
