i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
