we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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