I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
