I'm going to jail i love you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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