The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
