You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
