There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
