he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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