this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
