yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
