Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
