Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
