i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
