I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
