I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
