Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
