garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
