Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
